The Strategist

Seven small secrets of an ideal interlocutor

04/07/2016 - 16:16

Charm is a quality that helps achieve more in every sphere of life. Most people simply cannot resist a truly charming person. But how to develop charisma? What do I need?

Jack Schafer и Marvin Karlins, authors of book " The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over", tried respond to the question of how to please people.
One of the topics that the authors are touching is the ability to maintain a dialogue. Here are 7 seven small tips about what qualities an ideal companion must have.

1. Listen actively 

Many people believe that active listening means silent following the words of another person. This is not quite true. Active listening means that you focus on your interlocutor’s words.
If you just pretend that you are listening, most likely, your partner will notice your double dealing. So try to listen to your interlocutor truly actively, delving into his words.

2. Empathy

Use statements that show your sympathy to the interlocutor’s words. Your friend needs to feel that you understand his feelings. Genuine compassion is a real charm.

3. Avoid uncomfortable issues

If you want to please another person, then avoid unpleasant topics in conversation. Your interlocutor’s negative feelings can influence his attitude toward you.

4. Put idle talks aside

Empty words do not cause sympathy, but rather make you look an unpleasant person. If you love chit-chats, your partner may doubt your intelligence or even think you take him for a fool.

5. Do not concentrate the talk on yourself

All people love to talk about themselves. One of the main secrets of charm is the ability to switch the focus from yourself to your interlocutor. Do not talk much about your own person. It bores.

6. Do not complain

Do not talk about your problems with an unfamiliar person. Do not complain about your husband, wife, child, neighbor, head, etc. Your interlocutor has enough of his problems, he does not need any more negativity in his life.

7. Follow the emotions

Everyone is different, including the emotional sphere. Someone is highly sensitive, and someone just doesn’t care.
So do not bury your interlocutor under a mountain of words and emotions: some people get tired of it very easily. The conversation should be moderately emotional – only then will you leave a good impression.

based on The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over by Jack Schafer и Marvin Karlins

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