The Strategist

Eight rules of persuasion

09/25/2020 - 04:49

Some seem to have a magic wand when it comes to convincing others. This is not really magic, but science that can be learned. Let's talk about it as briefly as possible.

The human brain has three layers. The lower one, the reptile's brain, provides a fight-or-flight response. The middle - the mammalian brain - is the seat of emotions. The upper one - the primate brain - is responsible for the rational assessment of the situation. To convince someone, you need to go to the top layer. But when a person is angry or dissatisfied, this layer is turned off. Your task is to turn it on.

Mirror neurons will help. They allow us to understand how others are feeling. They also explain the need for the outside world to reflect our feelings. Mirroring - understanding and responding to another person's desires is a powerful persuasion tool.

8 rules

1. Learn to calm down. It is important to instantly switch from the reptilian brain layer to the mammalian brain and then to the human. This process can be called "from 'hell' to 'agree'. Take a short break, breathe slowly and start looking for a way out.

2. Switch to hearing. You know less about people than you think (inner filters, ratings, and beliefs get in the way). Analyze the opinion that you have formed and compare it with reality.

3. Make the other person feel that you are feeling him. Imagine yourself in their shoes. Ask: “How would I feel in such a situation? Fright? Anger? Disappointment?" Then try to say, “I want to understand how you are feeling. I think this is ...” and discuss the problem.

4. Be interested, not interesting. Think of the conversation as a detective game, the goal of which is to find out everything about the person. Ask questions. The more interested you are, the less the interlocutor has a deficit of mirror neurons.

5. Let people feel that you value them. Good people deserve confirmation that you value them. The annoying ones need it too. Give both of them a sense of their own importance, and they will give what you expect from them.

6. Help people to vent their emotions and thoughts. If you are trying to connect with someone who is repressive, ask, "Have I ever made you feel like I don't respect you?" or "Have I ever made it clear that you shouldn't be listened to?" Let the person let off steam.

7. Get rid of contradictions. From the outside, your confidence may seem arrogant, and your concern may seem hysterical. Find 2-3 people whose judgment you trust and ask them to describe your worst traits. Try to correct them.

8. Frankness is your salvation. People will understand, forgive you, and even try to help if you are honest. Lying makes them angry and frustrated.

“Target - audience - format - moment”. This is the formula for effective communication. You have thought out your goal well. You have thoroughly studied your audience. You know exactly why people will be interested in communicating with you. The format of the event is clear to you. You caught the right moment and managed to use it. In this case, success can be guaranteed.

Based on "Just Listen. Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone" by Mark Goulston

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