The Strategist

Time to Give Up Your Goals

09/01/2015 - 15:55

It is time to admit that the traditional goal setting is not working. This writes Danielle LaPorte - author of the book " The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul". Danielle advocates that we should not make a list of what we want but how we want to feel. And here are four reasons to abandon the "old" goals.
1. Harassment target starts to weigh on you.

The purpose ceases to be interesting, it makes you feel not the way you want. Instead of joy and enthusiasm, you feel ill at ease. Grow tired does not mean to betray yourself or your purpose. Any journey comes to a point where fatigue appears and you have to either relax and heal up twitching corns, or deal with your doubts. However, you do not give up the intention to reach the target and are even proud to be not out of the game. Are you happy to think about it. Yet, if you have to simulate enthusiasm, your original intention begins to evaporate, and there comes a time when you have to make the decision whether it is time to hang up the axe.

2. You understand that in fact, it was not your dream.

Sometimes we inherit other people's ambitions, like eye color or tone of voice. Inherited dream may well be one of the best ways of opening our souls. We are born in families or cultures with seemingly the most ideal way of life. We feel that we are most suitable for this life. Although, it also happens that our dreams do not correspond to what our family, culture or society prescribe to us. Then, we feel as a black sheep, whose idea of happiness has nothing to do with reality. And if the black sheep more diligently inspires itself that it wants to be the same as everyone else, the script becomes tragic. There is a very simple way to find out the truth hidden behind your ambitions: remember the goal, and constantly ask yourself: "Why do I want what I want?" Ask yourself this question and answer it at least a hundred times – until you exclaim "Eureka!"

3. The goal is not getting closer, and you have been ignoring the Stop sign too long.

Sometimes you have to go through thick and thin to stay until the last breath. And sometimes everything around shows that it is the time for you to do something else. I'll tell you a story. Louise and Lance were best friends. Just friends - never even kissed. They got drunk together at concerts, slept in the same tent, gave each other gifts at Christmas. Lance was building his personal life, but Louise was in love with Lance - it was clear as day, and all of her friends saw it. Years passed. New lovers have come and gone, and it was the time Louise would have finally gave up, but she decided to strike the final blow.

Not everything ends like in movies.
All romantic comedies have the moment of truth, when the protagonist decides to take a risk: four in the morning, the perfect wedding is in full swing ... The day we, sweaty from dancing, drunk on cheap beer and a sense of unity, occupied table in a corner. DJ was already beginning to collect the equipment and only Louise and Lance were on the dance floor, merged in a slow dance. Sitting in the corner, we kept an eye on them, but we tried not to attract attention. "Oh God ... well, yes ... Now she tells him," - said one of us. "Mother dear. It won’t make good, "- said another. We craned our necks, trying to read by lips what they were saying. Indeed, emboldened by drinking cabernet and having put herself together, Louise threw a trial balloon. "Do you think we could have something?". Lance listened. He was one of those good guys who know how to listen. In response, he said softly: "I think if anything could happen, then ... it would already have been here." He dumped the truth on her, but ... very carefully. If something could happen, something has to happen. Even dreams have an expiration date. I am wholly in favor of believing whole-heartedly. However, if attempts to desire, hope, persevere and create rob you too long, you may want to dream about something else. If the plant does not yield, the farmer will not be endlessly wasting water and fertilizer. He digs it, re-till the soil and plant the seeds of other plants. Release your desire. Close the project. And now take your thirst for love, money or creative realization - and go to the other side. Save your heart's desire - that feeling you want to feel after coming to the dream. But give up the former objective. Perhaps a new way to achieve has been waiting for you a long time ago. That is exactly what happened to Louise. She went on and fell in love with another man, who immediately responded to her.

4. You are tired of fighting.

Remember the parable about the man who hit himself on the head with a hammer? "Why do you always beat yourself?" – a shocked passer-by asked him. "Because, - said the man - I will be feeling very good when I stop." Check yourself. All the time you fight the same? Do you have insomnia? You fed up with the same problem (boom, boom, ah, ah)? You no longer have the strength to fight? And that's fine! If you do not have enough enthusiasm for the fight, you can stop the fighting and fix it, because (it is as clear as day) strive does not improve the situation. Stopping fighting for the reality to be exactly as you want, you make the energy shift. Yielding to the existing state of things, you force yourself to see, finally, face the facts, and thus increase the degree of your presence in the present. Release your target, and then you will have the chance to do something more attractive and positive.

Based on The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul by Danielle LaPorte