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Terry Johnston
Trust is difficult
How many people in your life - and in history - would you consider worthy of unconditional trust? To whom would you trust your life? Life of relatives? Your savings? Secrets? Career? Reputation? Would you trust the best friend? What about your doctor or attorney? Your boss? Business partner? Brother or sister? Your spouse? Will you unquestioningly obey this person and do everything possible for them, without doubts and without asking any unnecessary questions?
Perhaps, sometimes you do.
This is a typical, normal behavior, especially when it comes to members of your family. In part, this trust can be based on universal social arrangements: "You are my mother, so I trust you".
But more often, such relations result from a contract that involves a certain amount of doubts: a business contract, a non-disclosure agreement, a marriage contract, or your citizen's right to deprive people of power who do not deserve trust.
There is nothing shameful in such doubts or uncertainties. It's not easy to trust someone, especially if it's about not losing yourself, be it marriage, child welfare, work, property, professional reputation or your own dignity and good name.
As a rule, it is much harder to trust people than to love them. But it's also hard for people to trust you. How to make it easier for both sides?
1. Smother your ego
Each of us by nature is the center of our lives and must always remain so. To get such a gift as the trust of another person, you must give him the same natural, normal self-image. The life of others, regardless of who they are responsible for, revolves around them. Not you.
Accept this as a reality, and then they will trust you. The most attractive aspect of trust is modesty, humility of one's pride.
2. Do not judge
Respect opinions, perceptions and attitudes of others, even if they are alien to you and are directly opposed to yours. Nobody trusts those who look down on them and do not understand them. Unconditional acceptance is the most effective incentive to establish trust.
3. Recognize and value others
Every person has a decency - whatever his life position - and to be worthy of his trust, you must acknowledge it, demonstrate your decency and establish mutual respect. All of us are endowed with a sacred right to our ideas, and no one is born with desire to destroy or alienate others. Decency is the basis of human society.
4. Respect common sense
Do not be tempted to get personal, cause emotions, argue, exaggerate, manipulate or coerce. Stick to facts, be honest and sincere. Only those who rely on common sense, honesty and decency, are able to create the basis for a rational community of interests, on which credibility is based.
Trust, based on excessive emotionality, will last only until the next burst of emotion. Leadership based on fear inspires only fear. Convince people that you are trustworthy and they will believe you.
5. Be generous
Do not expect that you will be given credence if you do not trust yourself. People are not inclined to believe those who prefer a one-sided relationship. Selfishness repels. Magnanimity attracts. The most generous gift from your side is your trust. The most lasting gift that you can offer is trust for many years.
Based on “The Code of Trust. An American Counterintelligence Expert's Five Rules to Lead and Succeed’ by Robin Dreeke и Cameron Stauth
How many people in your life - and in history - would you consider worthy of unconditional trust? To whom would you trust your life? Life of relatives? Your savings? Secrets? Career? Reputation? Would you trust the best friend? What about your doctor or attorney? Your boss? Business partner? Brother or sister? Your spouse? Will you unquestioningly obey this person and do everything possible for them, without doubts and without asking any unnecessary questions?
Perhaps, sometimes you do.
This is a typical, normal behavior, especially when it comes to members of your family. In part, this trust can be based on universal social arrangements: "You are my mother, so I trust you".
But more often, such relations result from a contract that involves a certain amount of doubts: a business contract, a non-disclosure agreement, a marriage contract, or your citizen's right to deprive people of power who do not deserve trust.
There is nothing shameful in such doubts or uncertainties. It's not easy to trust someone, especially if it's about not losing yourself, be it marriage, child welfare, work, property, professional reputation or your own dignity and good name.
As a rule, it is much harder to trust people than to love them. But it's also hard for people to trust you. How to make it easier for both sides?
1. Smother your ego
Each of us by nature is the center of our lives and must always remain so. To get such a gift as the trust of another person, you must give him the same natural, normal self-image. The life of others, regardless of who they are responsible for, revolves around them. Not you.
Accept this as a reality, and then they will trust you. The most attractive aspect of trust is modesty, humility of one's pride.
2. Do not judge
Respect opinions, perceptions and attitudes of others, even if they are alien to you and are directly opposed to yours. Nobody trusts those who look down on them and do not understand them. Unconditional acceptance is the most effective incentive to establish trust.
3. Recognize and value others
Every person has a decency - whatever his life position - and to be worthy of his trust, you must acknowledge it, demonstrate your decency and establish mutual respect. All of us are endowed with a sacred right to our ideas, and no one is born with desire to destroy or alienate others. Decency is the basis of human society.
4. Respect common sense
Do not be tempted to get personal, cause emotions, argue, exaggerate, manipulate or coerce. Stick to facts, be honest and sincere. Only those who rely on common sense, honesty and decency, are able to create the basis for a rational community of interests, on which credibility is based.
Trust, based on excessive emotionality, will last only until the next burst of emotion. Leadership based on fear inspires only fear. Convince people that you are trustworthy and they will believe you.
5. Be generous
Do not expect that you will be given credence if you do not trust yourself. People are not inclined to believe those who prefer a one-sided relationship. Selfishness repels. Magnanimity attracts. The most generous gift from your side is your trust. The most lasting gift that you can offer is trust for many years.
Based on “The Code of Trust. An American Counterintelligence Expert's Five Rules to Lead and Succeed’ by Robin Dreeke и Cameron Stauth
